My depression was bad today and I ended up writing this:
I wish there was something I could do. I feel useless. Even when I'm given instructions, it seems like I can't get anything right. I just ruin everything I touch.
I'm sorry, Donny. I said I'd leave you alone and give you space so you could heal. But apparently I can't even get that right. I'm sorry for suffocating you and being so needy and making you feel even worse. It was never my intention. Really, all I was trying to do was help. But it seems I've made things worse. But don't blame yourself when I'm gone. It's not your fault. It's only mine. I told you I wouldn't kill myself because of anything you do. I'm not. Whatever I do to myself is my own fault.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I have depression. But even as I write this, that's not what I'm feeling. It's not sadness or suicidality or anything like that. It's apathy. Emptiness. All I want is to fade away. Maybe it's because I haven't taken any medicine for the past few days.
I'm sorry. This probably hurts you. But I had to write it down. Otherwise it only could have gotten worse. None of this is meant to hurt you and I hope it doesn't kill you. I would hate for the world to miss out on knowing such an amazing human being.
I feel like I'm not meant to be here anymore, like something is calling me home. It feels like it's my time to go. I see things sometimes. Hallucinations, I guess. But they look like ghosts to me. They keep coming closer and it seems like they're trying to take me with them. Maybe it's just my imagination. Or maybe I'm crazy. Who knows.
I'm going to miss you, but this is for the best. Please stay alive. Grow old. Be an ASL interpreter. And show everyone who doesn't like you just how wrong they are. I care so much about you, babe. I'll be watching over you.
Love, your girlfriend
~The Blogging Fangirl
I wish there was something I could do. I feel useless. Even when I'm given instructions, it seems like I can't get anything right. I just ruin everything I touch.
I'm sorry, Donny. I said I'd leave you alone and give you space so you could heal. But apparently I can't even get that right. I'm sorry for suffocating you and being so needy and making you feel even worse. It was never my intention. Really, all I was trying to do was help. But it seems I've made things worse. But don't blame yourself when I'm gone. It's not your fault. It's only mine. I told you I wouldn't kill myself because of anything you do. I'm not. Whatever I do to myself is my own fault.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I have depression. But even as I write this, that's not what I'm feeling. It's not sadness or suicidality or anything like that. It's apathy. Emptiness. All I want is to fade away. Maybe it's because I haven't taken any medicine for the past few days.
I'm sorry. This probably hurts you. But I had to write it down. Otherwise it only could have gotten worse. None of this is meant to hurt you and I hope it doesn't kill you. I would hate for the world to miss out on knowing such an amazing human being.
I feel like I'm not meant to be here anymore, like something is calling me home. It feels like it's my time to go. I see things sometimes. Hallucinations, I guess. But they look like ghosts to me. They keep coming closer and it seems like they're trying to take me with them. Maybe it's just my imagination. Or maybe I'm crazy. Who knows.
I'm going to miss you, but this is for the best. Please stay alive. Grow old. Be an ASL interpreter. And show everyone who doesn't like you just how wrong they are. I care so much about you, babe. I'll be watching over you.
Love, your girlfriend
~The Blogging Fangirl
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