Back to Normal

                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

I've Been Sick

Sorry I didn't post for a few days. I've been sick/recuperating and wasn't quite feeling up to posting. But I've gotten better bit by bit. I'm still working on getting back to full health. But I'm not throwing up anymore and I don't have a fever. I'm just a little dizzy, which upsets my stomach. Hopefully it will stop soon. But, from being sick, I lost about 5 1/2 lbs. Not that throwing up and not eating should be your go to solution for losing weight. Just a little observation I made, because I weigh myself every time just before I take a shower. 
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

AO3

I got an AO3 (archive of our own) account! My username is Inner_Devil, if you want to check out my fics. :)



                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Latter Days movie

                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl

Been Using Doll Divine

                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Got Antidepressants Again

                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

The Lines Project

                                                                ~The Blogging Fangirl

Wrote a Note Today

My depression was bad today and I ended up writing this:
I wish there was something I could do. I feel useless. Even when I'm given instructions, it seems like I can't get anything right. I just ruin everything I touch.
I'm sorry, Donny. I said I'd leave you alone and give you space so you could heal. But apparently I can't even get that right. I'm sorry for suffocating you and being so needy and making you feel even worse. It was never my intention. Really, all I was trying to do was help. But it seems I've made things worse. But don't blame yourself when I'm gone. It's not your fault. It's only mine. I told you I wouldn't kill myself because of anything you do. I'm not. Whatever I do to myself is my own fault.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I have depression. But even as I write this, that's not what I'm feeling. It's not sadness or suicidality or anything like that. It's apathy. Emptiness. All I want is to fade away. Maybe it's because I haven't taken any medicine for the past few days.
I'm sorry. This probably hurts you. But I had to write it down. Otherwise it only could have gotten worse. None of this is meant to hurt you and I hope it doesn't kill you. I would hate for the world to miss out on knowing such an amazing human being.
I feel like I'm not meant to be here anymore, like something is calling me home. It feels like it's my time to go. I see things sometimes. Hallucinations, I guess. But they look like ghosts to me. They keep coming closer and it seems like they're trying to take me with them. Maybe it's just my imagination. Or maybe I'm crazy. Who knows.
I'm going to miss you, but this is for the best. Please stay alive. Grow old. Be an ASL interpreter. And show everyone who doesn't like you just how wrong they are. I care so much about you, babe. I'll be watching over you.
                                                          Love, your girlfriend

                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Can't Help

I wish I knew how to make people better. Physically, mentally, everything. I just want to help people and make the world better. But I can't even do something as simple as cheering someone up. I give shit advice and I can't help anyone. Why do I even bother? I want to help and even when I'm told how, I can't seem to get it right. I should just stop trying. 
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Prayers for Safety

                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

Time to Heal

My boyfriend and I decided to take a break. Not a break up. Just a break. He needs some time to get his mental health stable again. We both have depression and I know how hard it can be to balance a relationship and mental health disorder. I tried to do it with my ex and I failed. My depression was at the all time low and my ex was putting pressure on me to pay attention to them. I couldn't give both things my full attention and my relationship suffered, even though it would've crumbled after a little while anyway. I didn't really like them all that much. I'm not sure why I said yes when they asked me out. I think I was just amazed that someone would want me. But now I have someone that I really want to be with and can envision the rest of my life with, even though we're technically still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. I'll give him anything he wants, really. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone. He needs time and space to get better and I'm willing to give him that. I want him to be okay, so he can take all the time he needs. Our relationship is still intact and we'll still be together after this. He just needs time to heal.
                                                                 ~The Blogging Fangirl

Late Arrival Day

I have a late arrival day at school, so I figured I'd type up a blog post now. Not much has happened, since it's not even 8 am here yet. But I have to wait with my grandma so she can drive me to school in a while. That means an extra hour or so of listening to her talk about pointless, random things. I love her, don't get me wrong. But I can only listen to her complain for so long before I need some space. And I come back here after school every day anyway, so I already listen to her for hours on end. I don't want to be at school anyway, but I need to go. But I have to miss one of my favorite classes, Psychology, because of the late arrival. I still have to have precal and theology today though, which I hate. I hate math and I hate my theology teacher.
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Cleaned a Cemetery

                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Chrome Dino Game

                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Emotionally Abusive Parent

Sorry I haven't been posting much. It's been pretty crazy with my life. My father has been being emotionally abusive towards me and continues to deny it. He's blamed me for having depression and for not wanting to be around people who trigger it. He treats me like I don't matter and I'm through with it. My mom and I talked and we plan to go to court and change the custody agreement. I'm old enough now that I can decide if I want to see him. I don't and I've told her that. So we're going to go to court and change it so he doesn't have custody over me anymore.
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Happy Birthday!

Happy 51st birthday to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" movie. It's stop motion and was animated by Rankin/Bass Productions December 6, 1964. Happy Birthday!

                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Therapy Today

                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Sending Prayers to San Bernardino, California

                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Want to Inspire

                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl