New Year And Help Needed

Happy New Year to all of you (even though it's not 2015 in some places just yet)! Now, I hate to do this on New Year's Eve, but someone needs help. If any of you know someone who can help, or you yourself can help, I'm sure this person would appreciate it. I would. 
Hey! Mel here. I hate to do this on New Year’s Eve, but my mom just went through my sister and my closet and ripped everything out and basically ruined it. I have the rest of my stuff packed but I fear for my safety. The reason? My sister voiced her complaints about my mom leaving us on New Year’s Eve to go to a party. 
Things escalated, and my mom KNOWS I am trans and refuses to call me by my name/pronouns. She’s blatantly transphobic, not to mention ableist. She says that since she named me, I’m attacking her. 
She is unpredictable and dangerous and I don’t want to stay with someone who misgenders me and makes me feel worthless on a daily basis any longer. She is also the main cause of my hospitalizations.
I’m asking for temporary residence from someone in Connecticut or around the Connecticut area. My number is available for people who come to me off ank . If you can’t help me, please signal boost this.
Thank you.

Any help is appreciated. 

                                                           ~The Blogging Fangirl

Help For Others

After all of the anon hate that people are getting and the news of various new plans the anons are making, I think it's nice to know that there are some people and places you can go to if you want support and/or you want to talk. Two such places are messaging little-miss-superwholockian on Tumblr, and messaging Safe House on Facebook or posting on the page. The tumblr account is mine. I run it. Either place is free for you to message. Any and all hate is removed and I will not respond with hate. You can talk to me without fear of judgement. I'm here to listen and help where I can.
                                                            ~The Blogging Fangirl

Audition Prep

Today's been all right. Just cold, really. My feet are freezing. I spent some time looking into monologues for the play my school will be doing. It sounds like it'll be really fun to put on. It's a minimal set with lots of pantomiming activities, so we won't need a lot of props. Even though it ends with many of the characters end up dead in the end, it seems like a fun play to do and I look forward to being a part of it. I just hate having to give monologues. And the auditions make me so nervous! I know I can do it though. And I know you'll be supporting me. Thanks! 
                                                                         ~The Blogging Fangirl

Going To Come Out To My Dad (+ A Note About Depression)

I haven't come out to my dad yet. I was planning on doing it Christmas Day, but I didn't. I'm going to do it before the New Year though. He needs to know. My mom knows and nothing's changed between us. I need to tell him though.
                                                   ~
There's something else I need to say though. It may be a trigger for some people, so I'll warn you now. I will be talking about DEPRESSION. I've been really depressed lately, especially having read about all of those people killing themselves over anon hate on Tumblr. I stand behind all the victims and support them and I don't want them to die. I've had these thoughts myself, so I know how it feels. I know what it's like to battle these thoughts constantly and want to kill yourself rather than face the day. I still deal with this. So please, if you see anyone who you think is dealing with suicidal thoughts or self-harm, show your support. It may not really help much, but at least they know they're loved. It helps some people more than others, so show your support and love no matter what.
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Two Rants (LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE)

My grandma is complaining about how I take care of the neighbor's dogs. It's my job. Why is she complaining about how I do it? It was about walking them and putting their pillows in the garage. She thinks I need to walk them at night before I put them in because they eat and drink when I put them inside. But that doesn't make any sense. If I walk them, then feed them inside and put them in the kitchen, it would be the same as it would be if I didn't walk them. They'd just get a bit less exercise. I walk them in the mornings though. She needs to let me do my job the way I think they should be done.
                                                ~
Now that I've finished my rant, there's something else I need to say. It's about the SPN fandom. For anyone sending hate to depressed and suicidal people on Tumblr, stop it. I'm a part of the fandom and I stand behind every single one of the people that you're hating. You're killing them. You're committing murder. Now stop it. We are together and you don't want to mess with us. LEAVE MY FAMILY ALONE!
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Kindle Fire Problem

Apparently my Kindle Fire has decided to stop charging. I have no idea why. It's just getting very, very picky about where it will charge. I got it to charge, but it stopped when I stood from the bed. Now it's completely dead and I want to use it again tonight. I just hope I can get it to charge again. I need it for a lot of things. I hope it charges again soon. I tried the reset (pushing the power button for 20 seconds) and it didn't work this time. Now every time I try to charge it, the screen says 'Battery too low to power on', then turns off. No red light to show it's charging. I need that red light so I know it's charging and I can leave it alone. I may be limited to laptops soon, which isn't good. The laptops I use are my mom's and my grandma's. The Kindle Fire is mine. I can use it until the battery dies and no one will stop me. I can't do that with the laptops. Someone help!

                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Christmas

Sorry, but this is going to be a short post. I hope you've all had a very merry Christmas this year and got plenty of presents. I've had a good Christmas with my family and am planning on getting my hedgehog very soon. I'll let you all know when I do. So Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and have a wonderful life!
                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

A Christmas Rant

Here's a nice little surprise for all of us: Apparently, I was wrong! I am able to update tonight. Yay!!!!! So here's my update for today:

My family doesn't seem to realize that, if I ask for money for something, then decide not to do that, I have another purpose for the money. I'm not just collecting money. There's always something I'm saving up for. So don't try to pressure me into doing something or going somewhere or anything. Just get over it. I'll tell if, if I want, when I get what I'm saving the money for. And please don't point out someone else who asked for money and decided to use it for something else. Yes, I understand they have a plan for the money. So do I. I just didn't make it public. For all you know, I'm donating the money I got for Christmas to someone who needs it more than I do. But you'd have no idea because you're too busy talking about this other person who's using the money for themselves and told you about it. Just because you don't know what I'm doing with the money doesn't mean I have no plans. Get over yourselves, people. 

Now that I've completed tonight's rant, I hope you all have a very merry Christmas tomorrow. Good night/day/whatever it is where you are!
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Christmas Wishes

I'm not sure if I'll be able to update tomorrow, so I have a message in case I don't. Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you all have an incredible Christmas, no matter where you are. And remember, even if you don't have any family or friends coming around this holiday season, I'm thinking of and praying for each and every one of you. There's always someone thinking of you. And I hope you all think of other people as well. Go help someone out who really needs it. Donate money, time, whatever you have. Even if you just stand outside and sing Christmas carols to cheer people up. Do something nice. It'll feel wonderful for you too.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

The Dentist And My Step Mother

I had to go to the dentist today. I found out that I apparently have two cavities. They thought the white spots on my teeth may go away and that they were just weak spots in my enamel. Now they're cavities for sure, and there's a chance I'll get another. No one thought to tell me this before I had cavities. No one tells me anything. Maybe if I'd been told before that I had cavities forming, I could've done something. But as it is now, I just have to have them filled. To top it all off, my dentist eyes me like I was some sort of moron and my step mother was acting like a know-it-all because apparently she's 'been saying that for months'. She's a liar. That never came out of her mouth. She buys zero calorie cola for us on the weekends. Yeah, it's better for health, but she still buys soda. And she's never said anything about anyone drinking too much and needing to cut back. She just wants to act like she knows everything. Anyone else have someone in their life that acts like that? It gets annoying quickly, right? 
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Coming Out To My Mom

I feel amazing. I really have been smiling for the longest time. I came out to my mom last night and I've felt incredible ever since. I texted her at exactly midnight last night and she replied this morning. She told me she'd love me no matter what. And she supports my relationship with my girlfriend. It's someone she's known since we were younger, so she's not worried about much. Best of all, she didn't make a huge deal out of it when I got home from my dad's tonight. We talked like we always have and were just happy. And I honestly feel like a ton of weight has just been lifted from my chest now. All I've got to do now is tell my dad. Unfortunately, I don't think he'l be the same way. He'll want to talk and make sure I know exactly what being pansexual and dating a girl means. As if I don't already. I'm not a moron. I know what I am and what I'm doing. He'll make a big deal out of it next time he sees me too and want to talk about everything all over again. I don't want that. I want to tell them and be done. Maybe mention it time and again and not be afraid to show my girlfriend affection in front of them. Hopefully that'll be a reality soon.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Eventful Break

I'm finally finished with midterms!!!!!!!!!!! I took my religion and math midterms today and now I'm on Christmas Break. I don't have to go back for another two weeks! I might be getting a hedgehog for Christmas too, which makes me super excited! The only parts of this that I don't like are that I'm coming out to my parents over this break and that I have to spend this weekend and Christmas eve with my dad. I'm more worried about the fact that they will want to 'talk about it'. They act like I don't know what pansexual really means. I know what it is and that's what I am. They just have to get used to it. I don't think my mom at least will have a problem with it. My dad is more likely to be more serious about it, but I think they'll both be okay with it. I'm just nervous.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Hedgehog Or Trip?

I'm giving up my British Isles trip to get a hedgehog. Both are expensive. But if I had to choose between a hedgehog and a trip for Christmas, I'd like the hedgehog this year. I can take the trip later in life. Besides, I'd need to get a lot more for the trip than I would for the hedgehog. And I can spoil my hedgehog and play with it. I want to get a boy and name him John, but we'll see. I have a cage set up already, ready for him. I just need a heat lamp and the hedgehog.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Early Dismissal And Pet Hedgehog

I got out of school early today because of midterms. I was home by 11:30 this morning. I had to take my Chemistry and Contemporary Literature midterms. But I've had a good day otherwise. 
I'm considering getting a hedgehog as a pet. I know where I can get everything I would need. I just need to know where to get a hedgehog as a pet. I don't know where to get one and I'm not having any luck with my search. I'll keep trying though.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Coming Out

I've gotten my first midterm out of the way. Now I just have to take care of the other six out of the way and then I'll be on Christmas break. I'm so excited for that, but I'm also kind of nervous. See, I've decided that I'm going to stop hiding so much this Christmas. I'm pansexual, meaning I like everyone: same sex, opposite sex, trans, bi, whatever. I haven't told anyone though, but I plan to come out this Christmas. I doubt it will be a big deal though. The bigger part is that I'm in a same sex relationship with someone I've known since we were kids. So for those of you who guessed that my significant other is a girl, you're right. She's my girlfriend and has been for 7 1/2 months. We'll see how my family takes it.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

So Done With Midterms

I'm so done. And I haven't even taken my first midterm yet. I hate this. But at least I've finished most of what I need to, so I can focus on studying. I can just look through my study guides and try to figure everything out so I'm ready. I have my first exam tomorrow. The rest of the week, I get out early and get to come home. I just want to sleep. I want to lie down and sleep and enjoy my Christmas break. But I can't do that until I've finished my exams. Why can't this workload end??!!!!!!!!!
                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl    

POS (Project Overload Stress)

I hate having so many projects due on the same day, or around the same day. I thought I only had one due tomorrow, but it turns out that two of them are due tomorrow. And there's one due the day after that. Not to mention the essay I have to write for one of my midterms that's due the day I come in to take it. It just happens to be my first midterm, which is on Tuesday. It's the same day that another one of my projects is due. Thankfully, the other project due that day is the one I can turn in by midnight. It just has to be turned in by midnight on Friday. I might have to wait that long to get it turned in. I just hope the stress doesn't kill me.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

My Day

I've actually had a pretty good day. Aside from the fact that I stepped in cat poop, had to wash it off the bottom of my boot, and haven't even started the project I have to turn in on Monday, it's been good. I'll get the project done tomorrow and do anything else I need to as well. But honestly, at this point, I don't care anymore. I have midterms coming up and then Christmas Break. I just want to quit and be done. But I can't. I just have to pull through. We'll see how this goes.
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Decorating

I've been decorating Christmas trees today. I started with helping my mom and sister decorate our tree. I just finished decorating my grandma's tree. It's now lit up, decorated, shining with tinsel and varies baubles. I still have more decorations, but I doubt I'll use them all. I've got fake candles set up and lit, so I barely need the lamps. The cat keeps trying to eat the tinsel, as well as attack the electrical cords. But I've managed to keep her out of trouble. It'll be Christmas before we know it and then we won't know what to do without ourselves. I'll just be glad when my exams are over and I'm on Christmas break. Until then, wish me luck!
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Stressed

My update is early tonight, I know. But I have to go to my Christmas concert and I don't think I'm going to be able to update any other time. So I'm doing it now. 

I'm working on so many projects right now. I'm slammed. And most of them are due around the same time, so it really stresses me out. On top of that, my significant other and I argued and didn't speak for most of the day. More stress. We've settled it all though, so we're okay again. I'm still really stressed though. I'll be fine once midterms are over.
                                                                ~The Blogging Fangirl

Troubled Waters

My significant other was complaining again today. He/she was saying that he/she doesn't feel appreciated. And it's all because I spend time with other people. Have any of you heard of/done 'best friend flirting'? Basically it's when you're so close with your best friend that you talk and act in ways that would make others swear you're flirting or you're a couple. It may involve actually flirting, but you both know that the other isn't into you like that. I do it all the time and it makes him/her jealous and feel unappreciated. I'm starting to get tired of it and wonder if it's really worth it. And it's only adding to my stress, which I believe is partially causing my urges to self-harm. I did it again today and it only seems to be getting worse.
                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl

Good Day Gone Bad

I was having a pretty good day today. I didn't have a headache, I wasn't too tired, and I was just doing well in general. It went down hill though. My significant other constantly feels neglected, no matter what I do. He/she never seems to be able to cope on his/her own, especially whenever I'm around. I love him/her, and I know he/she feels the same. But I can't always give him/her my undivided attention. It's just not possible. Not to mention that, when we discussed me not answering his/her good night text because I was working on a project until late last night, he/she threatened a panic attack and starting cutting again. I was teasing about him/her wanting me to fail, and he/she may have been teasing as well. But I personally don't believe that's ever something you should joke about and it was extremely inappropriate for him/her to say. That's just my opinion and I hope he/she never does it again.
                                                                 ~The Blogging Fangirl

Self Harm

Today got even worse. It may have been partially due to a lack of sleep, but I didn't want to deal with anyone. It felt like a die where I was either going to die or kill someone else. Figuratively speaking, of course. I'd never actually kill someone. But I was irritable and angry most of the day, as well as exhausted. I started self harming. I have scratches on my arm, shoulder, and stomach now. They're more like little red lines. I never broke the skin, so they won't leave marks long enough for anyone to notice. You know, a lot of people assume that self-harm means cutting. But that's only one kind. Pinching, scratching, hair pulling, etc, are types of self harm. No one thinks about those though. 
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Bad Mood Day

So, I'm just in a bad mood today. I've zoned out a lot and I just don't want to deal with anyone. I'm extremely irritable and it's like I'm constantly on my period. I don't know if I'm close to starting my period or what, but I've been getting little cramps, I'm nauseous, and my head hurts. This has been happening a lot recently. I think it may be part of a Manic Mood, which has to do with Bipolar Disorder. I haven't been tested, but I still think I may be bipolar. I'll try to let you all know when I find out.
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Depression And Bipolar Disorder I

I got to see my significant other today. Have any of you ever dealt with someone with depression? Maybe someone who's bipolar? Because my significant other may have depression and I think I'm bipolar. But I'm not sure about either. It's more of a self-diagnosis. He/she has no self-esteem and doesn't believe any compliment he/she gets. I have periods where I'm extremely child-like and happy, maybe overexcited. Then I get into periods where I'm extremely depressed. I think of death and suicide, I lose all emotion, and I just want to die then and there. I don't think I have a future. I think I have Bipolar Disorder I, meaning I experience Manic Periods (extreme highs, happy moods, iggly, fun) and Depressed Periods (extreme lows, suicidal, etc). Any opinions?
                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Powerpoint And Midterms

Not much happened today. Sorry, but my life's not very eventful. I thought I was going to have to present my powerpoint in World Civ today, but I didn't. I'll be one of the first to present on Monday though. I have midterms coming up too, so that'll be fun. Not. But at least if I get an A, I'm exempt from the exam. I was in second honors first quarter, so I only had two B's. I just hope I don't have to take most of them. Hopefully I'll do well in most of my classes at least.
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Short Story

I finished my short story last night around midnight, which proved for a rather dark ending sentence. Everything was wrapped up nicely though, and I've turned it in. I got a little lazy in the end and didn't put in as much detail for some of it towards the end, but I hope it's okay. We'll be reviewing our stories with peers tomorrow, so I'm interested to see what people have to say about it. It's a darker story than what I usually write, and more gruesome, so I'm sure it'll shock some people. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
                                                           ~The Blogging Fangirl

Feminism

I got to hear a really interesting speaker today. She told my class about Josephine, Napoleon's wife. She was really interesting and she had a larger role than a lot of people realize. But that's the thing about history. Hardly any women are ever mentioned. In my opinion, the Bible and history books are books written by men, about men. They hardly ever mention what the women did for history. We hardly get any recognition. But it's getting better, so we'll see where we go from there. It's really interesting to learn about the people who work behind the scenes with major historical events. Maybe I'll be one someday.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Short Story And Reading

I've been working on my short story a lot recently and I think it's really starting to come together. I haven't even gotten half way through yet! But I'm loving it. Today was a good day because I got a great grade on my English project and I hardly have any homework! Just reading. It's A Tale of Two Cities though. And My Sister's Keeper. The second one is actually really good, it's just a lot of reading. But the Charles Dickens book is hard to read. It's complicated and confusing. I'm sure I'll figure it out though.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Projects Due And In Progress

Today was fairly uneventful. The rain caused a few teachers and students to be late getting to school though. I got a free period at the beginning of the day because my teacher wasn't there until the last five minutes of class. We'll start our presentations tomorrow, since we didn't get to start today. So I need to be ready towards the end of the week. I'm number nineteen, so I won't be presenting for a while. But my powerpoint is ready to be presented. I had to type up a project for English too, which I finished early too. I didn't finish my short story though, but I've progressing pretty well. I'm getting more descriptive with it though, which is good. Hopefully it keeps getting better.
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl