What'll I Do?

I know I haven't posted in a while. I doubt many people are seeing these anyway. It's just a good way for me to vent.

I've been in a relationship with this guy for nearly four months now. He began breaking up with me, but then we came to a different conclusion and are having a threesome. But lately, he's been disappearing for days at a time with no explanation. He blew off our date with no explanation. It feels like he's just trying to distance me so I'll end it like he tried to. I feel so unwanted. Like shit.

Help

I only want to help. I'm sorry I can't figure out what you need or how to give it to you when I'm not right next to you. I love you.

Feelings

I like to think that I don't ask for much in life. But I know I need near-constant validation and approval. I need love and comfort. I need to know that someone is always there for me, even when I don't want them at the time. I want to know I'd be missed if I were gone. Unfortunately, I can't always have these things. No everyone will approve of me or my choices. Not everyone will love me and sometimes I'm going to be uncomfortable. I never know for sure if someone will be there for me because I'm not in their head. I don't know what they'll do in any given situation. The same goes for being missed. I have no idea how people would really feel if I weren't here. I only know what I assume based on what I observe and feel. I know that I can't always have these things. But that doesn't make it any less painful when they're taken away from me.
I wish I didn't need to rely on others to make me happy. I try to have a good life. I work hard, make sure I make time for me. But it's hard when we live in a society that claims any time spent alone "doing nothing" is wasted and selfish. I'm an introvert as well, so I like to stay in. It drains me to go out and be social all the time. I need time to myself. But I feel that I can't have that either. I'm stressed and panicked and it feels as though I'm drowning and everyone around me is just watching. It feels like no one cares most of the time even if they only want a little alone time. I don't mean to be an intrusion or a burden. I'm sorry.

Catching Hell

"I'm catching hell, so you will too."

This is a bully's logic. They hurt, so they want to make others hurt. If a child said something like this, no matter what language was used to say it, they would immediately be taken to see a therapist and told that that's not how to handle things. They'd be asked what was going on to make them feel this way. Why they felt they needed to lash out at others. And then they'd be taught another way to handle it. So why is it that we tolerate the same behavior from adults? The quote at the beginning of this is from a parent. There was no abuse, just a stricter attitude for a bit until the situation passed. But why is the behavior tolerated in adults when we would never allow a child to think this way? Why do we teach our children to be nonviolent, but believe adults should do whatever they want? You have freedom, yes. But that does not mean you can ignore your responsibilities.

13 Reasons Why

I know I haven't posted in a while and I'm really sorry about that. I let this blog go dormant because there hasn't been much to post lately. At least, not something I thought needed to be posted. But I did want to post now to get everyone up to date.
First, I've been really depressed for a while. It hasn't gotten better. It's mostly because of my weight. See, I'm 17 years old and 161 lbs. I'm also 5' 3.5" tall. So this really shows on me. I think it's partially because of my sodium intake, since I've been exercising well and trying to eat well too. Might have something to do with my lack of sleep too. We'll see.
The next part is that I just finished reading 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher and definitely recommend it. It's very realistic and has a good message for the readers.

                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl

Conversion Therapy

I am getting so tired of religious people thinking that God is against homosexuality. I hate conversion therapy and anything like it. People need to learn that sexuality and things of that nature are not a choice and don't need to be reversed. It's not something that needs to be "fixed" or changed. Just love your kids, please. Don't ever make them feel that they aren't good enough. And sending them away for being gay or anything like that makes them feel inadequate. It shows them that they can't be themselves around you and that God comes before your children in your mind.
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

500th Post

I know I haven't been on in a while and I apologize for that. But I've been going through some things and needed to take some time away to deal with that. But I thought I'd let you know that I'm doing much better. I'm on medication, I'm healthy mentally and physically, and I'm learning to cope. But this is my 500th post! We're halfway to 1,000, which is incredible. Thank you all for sticking with me and being there through my journey.
                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

Crazy Times

I know I haven't updated much and that's totally my fault. I'm so sorry! I've been insanely busy lately and I just haven't had time to post anything here. I've been annoyed with a certain teacher and working on so many school projects. Not to mention auditions, callbacks, and finally the first rehearsal. Things have been insane.
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Audition Day

                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Period Cramps

I always hate it when I think that I'll be okay during my period when I don't take ibuprofen, but then the cramps get awful. I didn't take ibuprofen this morning and I nearly cried during third period today. I felt awful. But I've finally taken some and I'm feeling a bit better. We'll see how things go from here.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Sleepover

Sorry I haven't been updating much. I went to a sleepover at a friend's house last night and didn't have her wifi password. It was one of those complicated ones with a bunch of random letters and numbers, so she couldn't remember it. So we just watched videos on her xbox instead. It was a fun night, but I'm exhausted. A little hungry too, but I don't want to get up and eat. I kind of just want to sleep for the rest of my life. We'll see how long I can manage.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

So Done with Everyone

I can't believe this. My mom agreed to let me spend the night at a friend's house on Friday night. But now she's changing her mind because that's the night of my siblings' Confirmation. I know that it's a big deal and everything and I do want to go. But this is important too. My friend has been having a really rough time and I need to be there for her. But my mom doesn't understand that and is telling me that I can't go because of Confirmation. It shouldn't be more than 2 hours for the liturgy and maybe half an hour to an hour for the reception. I can be late for the sleepover. We'd be staying up late anyway. But she refuses to see it that way. It just makes me so frustrated. And on top of that, my grandma keeps asking questions while I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone and I really don't want to talk. But she wouldn't understand it if I explained it to her. She barely understands what I usually say. I'm just so done with everyone.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Drama Among Friends

                                                                        ~The Blogging Fangirl

Break's Over

                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

Back to Normal

                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

I've Been Sick

Sorry I didn't post for a few days. I've been sick/recuperating and wasn't quite feeling up to posting. But I've gotten better bit by bit. I'm still working on getting back to full health. But I'm not throwing up anymore and I don't have a fever. I'm just a little dizzy, which upsets my stomach. Hopefully it will stop soon. But, from being sick, I lost about 5 1/2 lbs. Not that throwing up and not eating should be your go to solution for losing weight. Just a little observation I made, because I weigh myself every time just before I take a shower. 
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

AO3

I got an AO3 (archive of our own) account! My username is Inner_Devil, if you want to check out my fics. :)



                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Latter Days movie

                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl

Been Using Doll Divine

                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Got Antidepressants Again

                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl