Feelings

I like to think that I don't ask for much in life. But I know I need near-constant validation and approval. I need love and comfort. I need to know that someone is always there for me, even when I don't want them at the time. I want to know I'd be missed if I were gone. Unfortunately, I can't always have these things. No everyone will approve of me or my choices. Not everyone will love me and sometimes I'm going to be uncomfortable. I never know for sure if someone will be there for me because I'm not in their head. I don't know what they'll do in any given situation. The same goes for being missed. I have no idea how people would really feel if I weren't here. I only know what I assume based on what I observe and feel. I know that I can't always have these things. But that doesn't make it any less painful when they're taken away from me.
I wish I didn't need to rely on others to make me happy. I try to have a good life. I work hard, make sure I make time for me. But it's hard when we live in a society that claims any time spent alone "doing nothing" is wasted and selfish. I'm an introvert as well, so I like to stay in. It drains me to go out and be social all the time. I need time to myself. But I feel that I can't have that either. I'm stressed and panicked and it feels as though I'm drowning and everyone around me is just watching. It feels like no one cares most of the time even if they only want a little alone time. I don't mean to be an intrusion or a burden. I'm sorry.