What'll I Do?

I know I haven't posted in a while. I doubt many people are seeing these anyway. It's just a good way for me to vent.

I've been in a relationship with this guy for nearly four months now. He began breaking up with me, but then we came to a different conclusion and are having a threesome. But lately, he's been disappearing for days at a time with no explanation. He blew off our date with no explanation. It feels like he's just trying to distance me so I'll end it like he tried to. I feel so unwanted. Like shit.

Help

I only want to help. I'm sorry I can't figure out what you need or how to give it to you when I'm not right next to you. I love you.

Feelings

I like to think that I don't ask for much in life. But I know I need near-constant validation and approval. I need love and comfort. I need to know that someone is always there for me, even when I don't want them at the time. I want to know I'd be missed if I were gone. Unfortunately, I can't always have these things. No everyone will approve of me or my choices. Not everyone will love me and sometimes I'm going to be uncomfortable. I never know for sure if someone will be there for me because I'm not in their head. I don't know what they'll do in any given situation. The same goes for being missed. I have no idea how people would really feel if I weren't here. I only know what I assume based on what I observe and feel. I know that I can't always have these things. But that doesn't make it any less painful when they're taken away from me.
I wish I didn't need to rely on others to make me happy. I try to have a good life. I work hard, make sure I make time for me. But it's hard when we live in a society that claims any time spent alone "doing nothing" is wasted and selfish. I'm an introvert as well, so I like to stay in. It drains me to go out and be social all the time. I need time to myself. But I feel that I can't have that either. I'm stressed and panicked and it feels as though I'm drowning and everyone around me is just watching. It feels like no one cares most of the time even if they only want a little alone time. I don't mean to be an intrusion or a burden. I'm sorry.

Catching Hell

"I'm catching hell, so you will too."

This is a bully's logic. They hurt, so they want to make others hurt. If a child said something like this, no matter what language was used to say it, they would immediately be taken to see a therapist and told that that's not how to handle things. They'd be asked what was going on to make them feel this way. Why they felt they needed to lash out at others. And then they'd be taught another way to handle it. So why is it that we tolerate the same behavior from adults? The quote at the beginning of this is from a parent. There was no abuse, just a stricter attitude for a bit until the situation passed. But why is the behavior tolerated in adults when we would never allow a child to think this way? Why do we teach our children to be nonviolent, but believe adults should do whatever they want? You have freedom, yes. But that does not mean you can ignore your responsibilities.

13 Reasons Why

I know I haven't posted in a while and I'm really sorry about that. I let this blog go dormant because there hasn't been much to post lately. At least, not something I thought needed to be posted. But I did want to post now to get everyone up to date.
First, I've been really depressed for a while. It hasn't gotten better. It's mostly because of my weight. See, I'm 17 years old and 161 lbs. I'm also 5' 3.5" tall. So this really shows on me. I think it's partially because of my sodium intake, since I've been exercising well and trying to eat well too. Might have something to do with my lack of sleep too. We'll see.
The next part is that I just finished reading 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher and definitely recommend it. It's very realistic and has a good message for the readers.

                                                               ~The Blogging Fangirl