She's Okay

My friend finally answered me, so I know she's okay. It just really worried me. I hate not getting responses from people. It makes me feel like they're ignoring me on purpose. Or if it's someone I don't see often, I worry so much about them. I just want to know that everyone I care about is okay and still likes me.
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Can't Handle It

I still can't get in touch with my friend. My depression is getting so much worse with no one to talk to the second I'm getting close to a dark mood. I'm ready to break down crying every second of the day, my girlfriend is depressed too and making mine worse without realizing it. I just can't handle all of this.           
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Worried

It's been over a week and I still haven't heard from my friend. I know she's in college and she's probably really busy, but I need her. She's helped me through a lot with my depression and everything. I really need her help with everything and I haven't heard a word from her. I've practically begged and heard nothing. I'm really worried about her.
                                                                ~The Blogging Fangirl

All of the Can't

I honestly hate everyone and everything right now. I can't.
                                                                        ~The Blogging Fangirl

Bad

So 'special family event' for my dad was awful. I wish I'd never agreed to go with him. I had a lot of work to do and it really wasted my time. I'm still not finished. Nearly there, but not done. He was an hour and a half (1hr 30min) late picking me up. He changed the venue without telling me anything. We were there far later than he was allowed to keep us. He had my sister text my mom that we'd be late. It was bad. Then I came home and tried to ask my mom a question only to be shut down because she was watching her show. I'm done with everyone.
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Worried and Nervous

I'm nearly finished with my project for one class. I need to write two more stories for my tabloid with my partner. It's a stressful time for me, especially since I haven't heard from my friend. I know she hasn't updated anything on Facebook for the past three days and she didn't answer my texts yesterday. I'm getting worried about her, and I'm nervous about my projects.
                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

Bruce Jenner:The Interview

I'm watching Bruce Jenner:The Interview at my grandma's house. I just hope she doesn't make too many comments. She can be really homophobic, racist, sexist, etc. She hasn't made too many bad comments yet, but it's just started.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Home and Tomorrow

Back home from going to the hospital with my grandma. She needed a little blood test done. Nothing major.

Tomorrow is my testing day, and then I'm going to a Mexican restaurant with my Spanish class to practice my Spanish. I still get out of school early and am out of uniform.
                                                              ~The Blogging Fangirl

Sty Eye Drops

I've got eye drops for my sty now, so hopefully it will help clear it up. It's meant for relief, so it'll help. I've been using warm compresses every day, at least twice a day. I'm just hoping it doesn't get infected like my little sister's did.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

Sty in my Eye

I have a sty in my eye. I think I got it from my little sister. Her's got infected though. She didn't put a warm compress on it every day. Or at all. I've been doing that since I discovered it and what it was. So hopefully mine won't get infected. Those are all puffy and red and look awful. This one just hurts a little sometimes. But a warm compress daily should help. I think it is.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Stressed

I'm stressed about everything and I don't even know why.
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Hate My Dad

I hate my dad. He doesn't understand anything about me or my siblings.
                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

Grandma's Back

My grandma is back home from the hospital, which is great. Except she doesn't listen to what the doctors and nurses tell her. She argues with it all and she takes out the oxygen they gave her. She keeps insisting she won't use it. I don't know what to do.
                                                                ~The Blogging Fangirl

Day of Silence/God and Gays

Thanks everyone who participated in GLSEN's Day of 

Silence today. It's been great! And to those who don't 

support 

gays because of your faith: Jesus accepted everyone. He 

had meals with those others wouldn't go near. And for those 

who claim the Bible is anti-gay:

Adam and Eve: A story made up to explain why the world 

wasn't all good. And actually, the original writing says God 

made 'creatures of the dust'. It never once says 'male' or 

'female'.


Leviticus: I personally pretty much disregard this book. As 

does Jesus. He talks with and heals lepers, which Leviticus 

condemns. And if you follow everything Leviticus says, then 

tell me, do you stay away from every female on her period 

and not touch anything she's touched? Because Leviticus 

says to.

Sodom and Gomorrah: This passage refers to rape. It 

happens to be with men. It's something that happened in 

history. Men had the power. They doled out punishments. 

So 

they'd be the ones to rape people as public humiliation.

And, as with anything we translate, think about it. There are 

often multiple possible translations for the same passage. 

So 

something could've been translated incorrectly, or 

misinterpreted. Any of us can interpret the stories. But think. 

The main thing Catholics are taught is to live like Jesus. 

Jesus didn't exclude anyone. Jesus helped those who 

needed him. The only people he admonished were those 

who thought they knew everything, were narrow minded, 

and 

condemned others. Only God can truly condemn us, and 

God loves all of us.

                                                          ~The Blogging Fangirl

Day of Silence

Join the world wide Day of Silence on August 17, 2015. It's against LGBT bullying.

http://www.dayofsilence.org/resources/

                                                                        ~The Blogging Fangirl

My Thoughts

I hate people. Nearly had a break down today.
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

Can't Stand My Father

My dad is really pissing me off now. We (my dad, myself, and my stepsister) were talking about driving, since my stepsister and I will both be able to drive soon. I mentioned wanting to wait, since regulations where I am mean I wouldn't have to take any classes after my permit to get my license. Plus, it's a shorter wait to get my license after that. Not to mention that I currently don't have the money to get a car, gas, or insurance, so there's no point in getting a permit so soon. He argued that there's no reason for me to wait, despite me giving my reasons. He then proceeded to make fun of both me and my sister, since she's 20 years old and doesn't have her license. Afterwards, he said he felt like I was avoiding his apartment and wanted to know why do he could 'help fix it.' He insisted I could come talk to him. I considered giving him another chance, until he said 'if you tried.' That really set me off. I've been trying for the past 15 years! He's never listened. And he wonders why I can't stand him.
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Not Ready

I am so not ready to go back to school. Too much stress!!!!!!!!
                                                            ~The Blogging Fangirl

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to my girlfriend!

                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl   

Depression and Self Pity

Why is it that so many people are beginning to believe that depression doesn't exist? They think it's just people being selfish or making it up as an excuse. A lot of them, when someone argues, will point out the similarities between actual depression and just self-pity. Think about it though. There are tons of similarities between humans and dolphins. But would you ever say a human is really just a dolphin by a different name and that humans don't really exist? Or that humans are in invalid species or just an excuse not to do things? No! Don't be so stupid! Depression is a mental illness. It's diagnosed by doctors. There's medications for various types of it. Depression does exist. It's not just an excuse. It's not an excuse at all. It's real. 
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Why?

I want to die. Why is it that people can try to put labels on me, but never find the right one or ever try to help?
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Sick of Dad

At this point, I'm really just sick and tired of my dad. He claims to be on good terms with my mom, but it's clear he's not. He's constantly making us late getting home when he has us for the weekend. He pushes for more time. He shouts at us. And he lies to his family about my mom and her family. He's not as good of a father as he likes to think he is and they're clearly not on good terms.  And you know what else bothers me about him? Throughout my entire childhood, he's been trying to apply labels to me, always thinking there was something wrong with me. And he never thought to talk to me to figure it out. At one point, I'd seen a friend choke and it made me afraid to eat. I'd chew, then spit it into my napkin when no one was looking. He thought I was anorexic. He never spoke to me about it or got a therapist. Afterwards, when I started eating again, I gained weight slowly but surely. He thought I was bulimic. Again, no talking, no therapist. And now I'm depressed. I'm giving him all the signs and he doesn't see a thing. After years of trying to diagnose me with every disorder under the sun, he can't recognize when something is really wrong. Of course, I've been trying to hide it too. I can't let people see. It's contradictory, I know. But still, I can't help it. And he needs to be better at his job. Being a Dad.
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Game Search

I'm looking for some good online free Pokemon games to play where I would get to choose my own starter Pokemon, train it, and battle it. I'll let you know if I find a really good one. 
                                                                   ~The Blogging Fangirl

Hard Day

There's flood warnings in place for areas around where I live, but not my area. Tornado warnings for a nearby place. We're doing all right here though.

My sister has made today awful and it's been hard for me. Things from days ago came back to haunt me. I was told someone I'm close to wouldn't care if I committed suicide. It made things really hard.
                                                                  ~The Blogging Fangirl

It's Hard

Finding razor blades makes it hard not to cut. Seeing a car, it's difficult to avoid stepping in front of it. Hearing about police shooting in self defense makes me want to run out and provoke them so I can be shot. 
                                Please don't tell.
                                          
                                                                    ~The Blogging Fangirl

Work Needs Done

Hopefully I can get some work done on my story tomorrow. Or at least my essays and things for school. 
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl

Poke!lock

In honor of my poke!lock RP, have some Sherlock/Pokemon crossover pics.

                                                                ~The Blogging Fangirl

Police Call Scam

We got a call today. The caller ID said 'Washington DC'. I'm not sure if the area code was really for Washington DC or not, but I couldn't check then. It was from a woman with a thick accent claiming to be with the police. She said there was a crime and we were responsible for it. She gave a case number and said that if we, or our attorney, don't call back, then she can only wish us luck as this all unfolds on us. I panicked after that, trying to think of what it could be. But as I calmed down, I started thinking about it. If there really was a crime we could be arrested for, the police wouldn't call. They'd come to our door. And they wouldn't just 'wish us luck as this all unfolds on us'. They wouldn't say that. She said that was all she could do if we didn't call back. Not to mention that she never said what this supposed crime was. I think it was a scam. But it really worries me. I'm trying not to panic. 
                                                                     ~The Blogging Fangirl

WiFi

My WiFi is messed up at home.

                                                                       ~The Blogging Fangirl

                             

Tonight's Plans

This is going to be a shorter entry because I'm about to go babysit. I don't have much to say, other than the fact that depression sucks. I can't stand it. I think one of the things keeping me alive though is those kids. I don't want them having to learn about death and suicide at such a young age. I just hope I can hold off.
                                                                      ~The Blogging Fangirl